To the old me,
It’s never too late to start again.
I have this conversation time and time again. There are constant reminders around me of what was once something that brought me so much joy. I was looking back at old race pictures and remembered the race that started it all—the Black Girls RUN! Drive to End Hunger 10K. It was the first race where I received a finisher’s medal. The first race that made me feel like I can do anything when it comes to this running thing. To some it may have been “just a 10K”, but to me it was everything! It was where it all began. I was so happy. Here was a girl who loved running 3 to 4 days a week. Training for half marathon after half marathon, and even crazy enough to train for and complete a full marathon.
After losing my Mom, I thought grief was going to destroy me. I lost hope. A lot of it. However, the desire to run was (and still is) in my heart. My body just couldn’t do it. I still can’t understand how I went from running and training for half marathons and full marathons to stopping cold turkey. I mean EVERYTHING stopped. Yes, even my beloved Zumba with my Marta.
Grief sucked the life right out of me. It still hurts. Every time I try to take a step forward, somehow I end up taking a few steps back. But STILL in my heart I miss running so much. I see posts from friends, hear about upcoming runDisney races or how much fun was had, and I cry on the inside. I even shared in the sadness and disappointment of the news about the west coast races that we don’t know the fate of (yet). I miss my running bestie. I miss my runDisney friends. I miss Saturday morning long runs in the fall as I pass Pepper Place Market, and high-fiving my BGR sole sistas on the trail.
The pavement, I know that’s where my heart is and somehow, someway, I will find my way back. This has truly been a tough journey for me, but I know that I’m strong, beyond capable, and I can do anything that I put my mind to. I just have to transform my mind and believe, and I do mean truly BELIEVE, that I can do it!
So today I look at the picture of the finish line that started it all. I can hear my sweet Mama say, “Baby girl, I’m so proud of you!” Maybe, just maybe that will be the motivation that I need to help me take the next step and keep going.